What Happens When Bridezillas Breed?
Or to put it another way, “How to be the most helpful slave you can be for me and my baby.”
All throughout history, women from different cultures and religions have been marrying (or not) and having children. Yet in this day and age, many women who do that feel they are entitled to make demands, and treat people around them like servants. An example is the disgusting reality show “Bridezillas,” which I had the misfortune of catching at my sister’s house, as the TV was on in the background.
First off, these women were hideous shrews, and just plain misserable human beings. How they managed to bamboozle some poor schmucks into proposing marriage, I have no idea.
But I have the feeling that once they manage to marry, they would issue a whole laundry list of assignments for anyone foolish enough to befriend them, just like this woman did.
We are beginning to settle into a routine with our sweet baby girl and have visitors. [Parent] and I put together a list of “helpfuls” if you would like to come over and help us out during this transitional period into parenthood. Please visit this google doc:
Dear friends and family,
The following helpful list are the kind things that we will remember and appreciate forever. This is what [Parent]‘s body and soul needs, and will be most helpful for our bonding with the baby. By devoting just a few hours doing one of these things, we will get the support and rest we need with our newborn in the house.
[Two Chill Parents]
1. Ask us what groceries we need around the house and bring them to us. We likely need toilet paper and milk.
2. Drop off a big super greek salad with grilled chicken. We will dress it ourselves at home. Or, drop off frozen homemade food like lasagna we can reheat later.
*Allergies/intolerances include: Soy anything (including tempeh and tofu), carrageenan, guar gum, gum acacia, xanthan gum, carob bean gum (anything with the word GUM in it), lentils — Please read labels. Many of these ingredients are in store bought food.
3. Come over at about 2 in the afternoon, hold the baby while I have a hot shower, put me to bed with the baby and then complete one or more household chores, such as:
-scoop the litter box
-take [our dog] for a well deserved walk or run around the neighborhood or park
-clean the kitchen or the bathroom
4. Come over at 10am, make me eggs, toast, and ½ a grapefruit. Clean my fridge and throw anything out that you doubt — don’t ask me, just use your best judgment. Clean the kitchen stove and the kitchen floor.
5. Come over in your work clothes and vacuum, dust, clean the litter box, and then leave quietly. It might be too tiring for me to chat and entertain, but it will renew my soul to get some rest knowing I will wake up to a clean, organized space.
6. Take [our dog] for a well-deserved long walk or run around our neighborhood or Prospect Park.
7. Come over to fold laundry or clean and give [Parent] a break so she can go enjoy some r & r, go to a coffee shop, a bar, or something else fun. Vacuum and fold more laundry. Clean the litter box.
8. Make a giant pot of vegetable soup in our kitchen and clean the kitchen completely afterwards. Then take a big garbage bag and empty every trash basket in the house. Reline the kitchen garbage can with a fresh bag.