Dr. Laura Would Have A Field Day With This One
What is a devoted husband to do when his wife views sex as just another chore?
Q: I am a 32-year-old male who has been married for seven years. My job as a physician demands incredible hours (60 to 80 per week). However, I still leave my work at work when at all possible and often find myself sexually aroused and attempting to find time with my lovely wife. But she finds it almost impossible to leave her work at work. She also feels the pressure of our 2-year-old child. We have split the duties of house and child, but she still pushes me away, stating that there are too many other things to get done. If we finally do have sex, she tells me later that having it is stressful because it’s one more thing on her list of things to do. She tells me her friends at work blame me for not understanding her work needs, and that I should back off. Given all of this, what should I do? I try to make time for us as a couple, but I now have to compete with her friends who say it is all my fault, that I am a “typical male just thinking about my penis.”
Now since I don’t write a sex column for a major web site, I think I can be as politically incorrect and as blunt as I like. And the bottom line is, this woman is an idiot. As Kim Du Toit once wrote, some women deserve to be single moms.
I mean, what the hell are this woman’s work needs that she can’t find any physical interest in her husband? Is she a nuclear physicist? Or a brain surgeon? And what are these “other things that have to get done” that are more important than intimacy with her husband? Considering that the husband is a doctor and the woman also works, I should think they can afford to pay for someone to help out with those “other things.”
On the other hand, there are plenty of desperado single women, who would like nothing better than to bamboozle some poor schmuck into proposing marriage. I’ve known a few. With these women, it’s all about them, starting with the wedding, the gown, the honeymoon, the new house, and any children. It sounds like this Of course the husband is taken for granted. It sounds like this man might just be married to one of these types.
Also, as a woman, I just don’t understand these women that become psychologically castrating, anal retentive haus fraus from Hell. What do you guys think?
May 12th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Someone once asked me, “why do married men go after prostitutes”? After a few seconds of thought, I told the person it was because for a few dollars, a prostitute will do for a man what a wife won’t do out of love and a lifetime of security and that’s make him glad he was born a man.
Maybe that’s the reason Gov. Spitzer went after those high priced hookers?
May 13th, 2008 at 6:13 am
“anal retentive haus fraus from Hell?”
Gotta love that!
May 16th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
This is a mars/venus thing.
His needs are physical, hers are emotion….but certainly no less real than his PHYSICAL NEEDS. Her needs and not shared by the male of the species, so he just doesn’t get it.
She needs time to reconnect with him before she’s ready to hop in the sack. He needs to understand that for a woman, sex starts at breakfast, with conversation, maybe a quick call at lunch, conversation over dinner…….and non-sexual affection. I’m not at all surprised that she is not interested in a man who comes home, expects dinner and a quickie.
I would be willing to bet that her emotional needs have not been met for so long that she can’t even articulate what it is she needs to reconnect. She may not even realize why she is not interested. Does she feel loved, honored, cherished by a man that spends 60 – 80 hours a week away from home? She probably feels like a receptacle for something he needs to be rid of. His priorities seem completely out of whack. Clearly his job comes first. His job needs to be third or fourth on the list of priorities.
G-d must come first, wife second, child third, business / job fourth. If she’s last on his list, why would she put him at the top of hers? Once he starts paying attention to her, REALLY paying attention to her, not simply using her, things will improve…not before.